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EthicsElementaryPrimary

How to teach conflict resolution

Conflict resolution for kids comes down to four steps: calm down, say how you feel with an I-statement, listen, and find a fix together. This page explains each step, with a free activity where Sparky plays a friend who grabbed the swing and reply buttons give each student an I-statement starter to finish.

Jemel Fanfan

Jemel Fanfan | Founding Member at Flint

Title card reading 'How to teach conflict resolution', next to three chat cards: a student tells his friend he always hogs the swing, he picks the starter I feel when and says he feels mad, and he says back that his friend got there first.

"[Flint has] helped my students build self-awareness about their learning process and emotions. Using Flint has allowed my students to learn at their own pace and take more ownership of their learning journey."

Taufeek IrawanTaufeek Irawan, Economics Teacher at Raffles Christian Group of Schools

Why this matters

A student can repeat "use an I-statement" in a class discussion and still open a real argument with "you always hog it". On a worksheet the student circles the kind sentence, and nobody on the other side gets defensive, so the student never hears how a blaming sentence lands. The teacher has to wait for the next fight at recess to find out who still blames first.

Conflict resolution for kids: the four steps

Responsive Classroom's guide to coaching elementary students through everyday conflicts walks two children through these steps (Responsive Classroom):

  • Calm down. Both children take a couple of deep breaths first, because "stress-induced changes in our bodies impede logical thinking and increase aggression", the guide says.
  • Say an I-statement. The upset child says how they feel, such as "I felt bad when you said I couldn't play with you", so the other child can listen "without feeling attacked or defensive".
  • Listen and say it back. The other child repeats what they heard before giving their own side, starting with "I heard you say that...".
  • Find a fix. The children propose solutions and agree on one to try, and the teacher checks later that the plan is working.

In the Flint activity, Sparky plays Sam, a friend who sat down on the swing just as the student ran up, and each student talks Sam through the four steps. Unlike a worksheet, Sam reacts to what the student wrote: a blaming sentence makes Sam defensive, and reply buttons under Sparky's message offer I-statement starters for the student to pick and finish.

Sparky gets Noah to swap blame for an I-statement

Noah ends up turning "you always hog the swing" into an I-statement, saying back Sam's side and offering a fair fix. Every student gets the same activity and the same friend on the swing, and Sam's replies and the reply buttons depend on what each student writes.

Sam shows how Noah's words sound from the other sideSparky sends Noah back to his own wordsA right answer gets a harder turn
N

Noah

Interest: Four square at recessStarting point: Blames first

Noah

im noah. sam you always hog the swing!! get off its my turn

Sparky

"I do NOT hog it! That's not fair to say!" Which word do you think made Sam feel attacked, "always" or "hog"?
Sparky's reply in the chat. In italics: Sam crosses arms and looks upset. Sam says: I do NOT hog it! That's not fair to say! Below a line, a coach note asks which word made Sam feel attacked, always or hog, and lists two starters with blanks: I feel blank when blank, and I want blank because blank. Under the message are four reply buttons: I feel blank when blank, I want blank because blank, Can you give me a hint?, and Let me try again.
Reply buttonsStarters Noah can pick and finish

Noah

I feel mad when you get on the swing right when i run up because i only get recess once a day and i wanted a turn before four square

Understanding check

"Oh… I didn't know you really wanted it that bad. But it's not fair either. I got here first. And you had the swing yesterday!" Can you say it back in your own words before you share your side?

Noah

but yesterday i only had it for like 2 minutes before the bell so that doesnt count

Sparky

"Hey, you didn't say back what I said yet!" Before you share your side, can you first repeat back what Sam said? Try starting with "I heard you say…"

Noah

I heard you say you got here first and you think its not fair cuz i had it yesterday. we could take turns, you swing till the 5 minute bell then me

Sparky

"Yeah… that's what I said. Okay, I heard you too." "Hmm, five minutes each… but what if I say no? What's another idea we could try?"

Swapped blame for an I-statement, said back Sam's side and found a fix

Noah started his I-statement and his repeat-back from reply buttons: "I feel ___ when ___", and later "I heard you say [...]". His backup plan was four square with his friends, then five minutes each on the swing. Noah is an example student, and Sparky's replies are shortened.

What Flint did for Noah

  • When Noah wrote "you always hog the swing", Sam got defensive, and Sparky asked Noah whether "always" or "hog" made Sam feel attacked.
  • Reply buttons under that message offered "I feel ___ when ___", and Noah picked it and finished it with his own reason.
  • When Noah argued about yesterday before listening, Sparky asked him to say back Sam's side first, then asked what Noah would do if Sam said no.

A teacher can't do this by hand for 30 students, and Sparky does it in every student's chat.

The activity page shows who still blames first

While the class works, Needs attention shows the teacher which student is stuck and on which message. After three or more students submit, activity analytics lists what the class did well, where students went wrong, and a follow-up to practice next.

Flint's activity page for the Who Gets the Swing? activity. Needs attention shows that one student has sent Sam three blaming messages without trying a starter. Activity analytics says most students rewrote their first blaming message as an I-statement after one coach note, and 17 students said back Sam's side before giving their own. 9 students jumped to their own side before repeating back what Sam said. The follow-up suggests practicing the four steps with a friend who changes the rules of four square in the middle of a game. The Sessions table lists three students: two submitted and one still in progress.

Example activity page

After an elementary ethics class solves a fight over the swing

The school and students are made up for this page.

Set up the activity for free

Open the swing activity in Flint's public library, select Use activity to copy it into a free Flint account, and assign it to a class. The reply buttons come from two settings under Activity behavior: Greeting suggestions, the buttons under Sam's first message, and Follow-up suggestions, which adds new buttons after each of Sparky's messages. Both are on in the library copy, and Sparky's role tells Sam to offer I-statement starters as buttons. Pressing a button types the starter into the message box, and the student finishes the sentence.

For more ethics activities, see Flint for ethics.

Start the activity for free

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